Sunday is pancake day. This is how we make pancakes in my house. If you know of any way to cut corners on the one hundred steps until pancakes are served at my table please let me know – I’ve tried everything and have resigned myself to this rather breadthy approach (no pun intended…ha):
Step 1: Rouse three year old daughter with a cheerful, “Honey, want some pancakes?” to which she will groggily assent.
Step 2: Head to kitchen where one-year-old son is already removing pans from the cabinet
3: Return pans to cabinet
4: Find die-cast metal car to distract son
5: Return to kitchen. Find appropriate pan. Place on stove
6: Say good morning to still sleepy daughter who walks into kitchen and asks, “Are you making pancakes?”
7: Reassure daughter of the approach of pancake purgatory, I mean, heaven
8: Realize her overnight diaper needs changing
(Steps 9- 20 are all concern potty business)
21: Return to kitchen, grease pan, turn on burner (low heat)
22: Start looking for mix and measuring cups
23: Notice that son has gotten stuck in dining room chair
24: Stop walking over to chair because he’s sorted it out
(Steps 25-31 involve doing this at least three more times)
32: Ask daughter to play with son
33: Whisk ¾ c of water together with 1 c of pancake mix
34: Respond to sudden eruption of crying in the living room
(35- 40 are the steps for resolving die-cast metal car conflict between siblings)
41: Find coloring book and crayons for daughter
42: Return to now heated pan and pour batter (ideal diameter: 4- 6”)
43: Notice that son is back to removing pans and wire racks from the cabinet
44: Return pans and wire racks
45: Admonish son
46: Try to block cabinet with left leg while flipping pancake with right hand
47: Vex son who only becomes more determined and tries to remove your knee with his fingers
48: Admonish son again
49: Flip pancake again
50: Admonish daughter who is telling off son
51: Wipe brow in frustration
52: Physically put son in living room
53: Place chairs to block his approach to the cabinets
54: Find princess plate for daughter and place pancake over Cinderella.
(Steps 55-60: pancake protocol – butter, syrup, slicing etc)
60: Squeeze past chairs, begin cooking second pancake
61: Become distracted by son who has now climbed on chairs and is dangerously pushing them forwards.
(62-75: Steps for preparing breakfast bottle and setting son up at the table to ‘eat’)
76: Realize you forgot to re-grease the pan
77: Say “Okay!” to daughter who is asking for milk
78: Try in vain to flip scorched pancake
79: Say “Okay,” again to daughter’s second request for milk
80: Ask daughter to be patient
81: Scrape half cooked pancake rind into the trash. Clean pan in sink
82: Return pan to burner, repeat steps 21 and 42.
83: Serve daughter milk
84: Cook pancake #3.
(85 – 90: Pancake protocol again)
91: Sit at table.
92: Put son on lap.
93: Instruct daughter who is now asking for water to “Please wait.”
94: Feel guilty
95: Retrieve water
96: Notice daughter also needs a wipe
(97-98 Wipe retrieval steps)
99: Place son on lap and try to feed him pancake
100: When he refuses three times, put him down, watch him and his sister play in the next room while enjoying your still raw-at-the-edges pancake.
Bonus Step: Wonder why you still haven’t bought that electric griddle for pancakes, then file it with the three thousand other things on the ‘to do in the next two years or so’ list.
The End – until next Sunday, when we will be having French toast.