She is a Catholic
mom, who obviously cares enough to enroll her kids in religious education classes, with a baby on
the hip and six more beautiful look-a-likes in tow. Based on appearances only, she struck me as
quite a good profile of where I’ll probably find myself in a few years.
One thing I didn’t anticipate though: she was mean.
I’ll spare you all of the gory the details, except to say
that she was very put out by having to fill out the paperwork required for the
program for all of the children (which is tough when you have more than
two, granted, but you know, that part
is not really our fault or anything) and she practically slammed the binder out
of a good nun’s hands as she wrote in it. But you get the picture: she was
mean.
She was angry, no, livid, and she was going to let the other
adults, know it. And she was going to do
it in front of her kids right after
catechism class where they just learned about becoming saints.
I have to confess, the tragic irony of the scene made me
chortle as she stomped away closed fisted, with a set of small heads trailing
behind her (but the best response award goes to the nun at my side who called
after her cheerfully, “God bless you!”).
As is the case with most disturbing scenes that strike
someone as just plain wrong, the incident stayed with me and forced me to pray. How could someone who professes to be so Catholic act so poorly?
Something a priest said from the pulpit has always remained
with me: that the moment you dislike something about someone else, it’s because
they are showing you something you don’t like about yourself.
I realized the incident affected me so much because, I too have been bitter and resentful and have
complained about my crosses. Yes, I
have critiqued parish catechism programs and bemoaned certain hoops I’ve had to jump through to complete them. In general, I too
have been overly angry and behaved in a way that has embarrassed my children as
well as my spouse. Yes, I have vented
anger and harmed myself and my relationships with others.
In short, I have been that mean mom, maybe not in public, but at
different times; in private, in prayer, to my children and those who I should
love the most.
The whole week I struggled with the incident, “Lord, what
was her problem? It’s not like anyone is forcing her to be in the program.
It’s not like we’re the ones that made her have that many kids. Her crosses certainly aren’t heavier than all the other big families I know
where the mom is actually kind hearted and nice to people. What a grouch, what a -, and those poor kids!”
As you can tell, I too was venting.
God’s classic response to me: “What’s your point, Marissa?”
You have to imagine it a bit like an Austin Powers moment,
where you’ve just elaborated some important point in detail and were only met
with a shallow, “And?”
It was perfect.
It forced me to consider: what was my point anyway? A mom was mean, so what? The lesson was
simple enough: learn from her example, don’t imitate it, and move on.
And lastly, love her. This is God's response to mean moms and un-peaceful souls everywhere: love them.
This was also so eloquently worded by Mother Theresa when she wrote."People are unreasonable,
illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.” I realized that dealing with one frustrated parent certainly wasn’t the last time I was going
to encounter illogical behavior in my life…or even within that week. So I moved on. In all my venting, I really didn't have a point – but God did: love
those who have no peace, and you will have found your own.
So I prayed for her and for myself and I
was able to wish love and peace on that mom, in the end. And yes, in doing so, I
was able to have peace myself. (And the good news is she did come and apologize later!)
